So yesterday the comment was made about me that I create a hostile environment, and that certain people do not want me around (including in my own home) when they come down to visit a certain baby.I believe this coment stems from a particular phone message I left this certain person last weekend, the day before Mother's Day. But when this certain person calls in my home, disturbing the peace, making my sister cry because they were more or less accusing her of being a bad mother, I called them back. What was I supposed to do? Ignore it? I don't think so.
So I told this particular person that my sister is freaking recovering from a traumatic child birth and a blood transfusion, she's only been home for four days, so please leave her alone. They will be called when they can come down and visit the baby. But right now we don't care about anyone's feelings, we are only concerned about my sister's health and the well-being of the baby. A basic don't call us, we'll call you statement. I didn't cuss, I didn't raise my voice.
So when my Dad called to arrange a visit with them for this weekend, the request was made that I (and my mother) not be in the home when they are there. So my response is that when they start paying my $1800/month rent, then they can tell me when I can and cannot be in my own home. Until then...
I mean, I don't purposely go about creating hostile environments. In fact, when they were at the hospital visiting the baby, I purposely stayed away so I wouldn't be in the same airspace as them. See...I'm a thoughtful person. But when it comes to my private home, that is a different matter. I am not going to be in the same room, but I will be in my own home.
So tell me, what would you do if someone started making hurtful comments to a family member and you are there to hear it first-hand? Do you ignore it or defend them?
When it's your house it's definitely a different situation. Generally I stay out of stuff, but I think your sister is in a really vulnerable place and is counting on you to have her back right now.
You know what?
The most important thing right now is your sister's recovery and well-being. The heck with anyone's feelings. They'll get over it. In one respect, when it comes to family, you don't want WWIII. But, if they are GROWN UPS they will understand that your sister needs time to recuperate and help with raising her newborn, not drama and emotions and egos.
It's your house. It's your decision. Me? I'd leave only because I'd want to be the mature rational one (not that you aren't, I'm just saying) and so they feel like giant idiots. They aren't "getting their way" but I can tell you that there would only be ONE SUCH VISIT. So there. PBLTT!!!
Good luck. These situations suck.
People should be much more sensitive to your sister's situation and what she needs. There will be plenty of time to visit when she is ready for visitors.
The nerve of someone telling you what to do in your own home. He should be lucky you're even letting him visit.
A subtle hint would be the "don't call us, we'll call you..." and btw don't waste your time sitting by the phone... it ain't gonna ring...
Certain persons have had more chances the past year than I would normally give anyone. Yet every time it turns out the same way.
Sooo it's very simple. If it's someone I think would pose a threat or chance of damage done to anyone in the family they are not welcome. and I sure as ..... (man the blood pressure isn't doing too good...) won't ever call someone like that or feel sorry for someone like that.
Unless a judge is telling me to open the door it is going to be nailed shut for good.
As for me. It's kind of simple... yeah I know I'm Danish, stubborn and just as easy to move as a mountain but my house my rules and I am going to take care of and protect my family. Kids in particular.
I dunno... Sometimes I kind of wish stupid would hurt a bit...
stay home and be around and ready when you will be needed by your sister and her baby. you don't need to hover around them or interfere with their time with the baby, but be ready when your sister will be needing support from people who truly care. i think your sister will be counting on your aroundness. but this is just me. what does your sister think anyway?
i hope everything will go smoothly, or at least, in a way - tolerable.
I think you're on target, girl.
I'm the kind of person who kind of gets walked all over, unless you mess with somebody in my family... then the Mama Bear in me comes out!
I think you should stay around in case these people overstep their bounds again. It sounds like your sweet sister is still at a vulnerable place and could use the support.
Definitely your home. No one can ask you to leave it.
I agree with Marie. It's good you have your sister's back right now. She needs you. I would have definitely defended her, and it sounds like you did the right thing in not getting overly defensive or caustic. And I hope that you DO NOT OBLIGE to their stupid requests about you not being there. In fact, I would think it even MORE important that you are there to protect your sister and get them out when they've overstayed their welcome. They may not like you for it, but look at what's best for your sister.
Wow, apparently I have quite an opinion about this! hehe :) I'm sure whatever you do it will be the best for the situation, I just got really pissed for you and your sister just there. Sheesh!
Your house, your rules. They have no right to ask you to leave your own house!!
My FIL used to be offended when I would nurse our children in our own home, as if I should leave the room. I figured that hey, this is my house, YOU leave the room!!
What this particular individual needs to realize is that just because you have opened up your home and tripled your own workload for the love of your sister, it doesn't mean that you have to embrace the BS that may have crept into her life (which happens to us all one time or another). Its your house and you can't be expected to be put out of it just to accomodate their pride. If this particular individual cared as mush as it should, one would think it would swallow that pride and not set preconditions for seeing the baby. If this particular individual needs to avoid you and your mother so much, than it will need to wait until your sister is better and can meet on nuetral ground. Perhaps you could promise to put the claws away as long as the particular individual promises to keep its mouth shut.
And your letting them in the door because?
Does your sister want them in?
"Sorry were busy raising a family right now, we'll get back to you on when is a good time to visit" would be my response.
They have their nerve! Sheesh!
Did you mention to them that there are plenty of great hotels in the area and that you are more than willing to let them pay for their own hotel... or that they are more than willing to not come visit if they don't want you there? Hmm sounds like a great visit.
Hey, when it comes to MY little brother, no one will be forkin' out insults but ME. Thank you very much.